|
[03 Jul 2008|06:40pm] |
|
No, I'm not worth missing
|
|
|
[01 Jul 2008|12:21am] |
|
I'm sorry i wasn't a better friend in the end.
|
|
|
[14 Apr 2008|01:23pm] |
i play the banjo and the mandolin now
i feel so redneck
call me sometime
yes, you
|
|
|
[08 Mar 2008|11:09pm] |
nevermind...
you missed it
too busy i guess
|
|
|
[30 Nov 2007|08:55pm] |
|
...if i told you how i really felt...
|
|
|
[24 Oct 2007|06:01pm] |
|
be careful with who you deal with
|
|
|
[02 Oct 2007|01:44am] |
i'm drunk and listening to techno
and i'm very very angry
:)
|
|
|
[21 Aug 2007|08:49pm] |
haha how come i always explain why i'm a dick and why i'm not?
i do apologize... just gotta get me on days where i don't wanna kill everyone
its never you... just so you know ... ;)
there's been 2 girls in my life who i've gotten really weird around for no reason... you're one of them... i don't even know why. I just get that way with girls who are completely fucking amazing. Maybe its an intimidation thing... maybe its a jealousy thing.... maybe its both?
Sometimes it takes a while... i guess its kicking in now...
Anyway, hope to see you soon...
I'm really fucked up right now so i figured i'd enjoy life more by saying something
Oh and PLEASE if i talk to you on MSN, try not to talk to me ... i get VERY FUCKING weird online for some reason... In person its easier to talk to me, even if i am pissed off...
Thanks
Talk to you later
|
|
|
[04 Aug 2007|08:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
Ok so my stitches itch like a bastard, but i can breathe without it hurting.
I'm surprised its saturday already because that means i've gone almost a week without smoking a cigarette.
Quitting sucks, but my life is more important than a habit.
I have two more percocets left. They slow the days down and make me happy to be alive.
Fuck it, i'll take them. I can get more on monday.
My car is still parked at the PX.. i need to go pick that fucker up. The battery is probably dead on it... Piece of shit car.
I'll be back at work next week. Hopefully. Sitting at home sucks ass.
I'll be applying for new jobs soon. I'll be getting my microsoft certification soon as well. I've been practicing and i'm almost comfortable with it.
I miss everyone.
I want to go out and have a good time with everyone that used to be here and everyone thats my good friend.
I wish it was still the way it was when we first met... but i still wish it was that way with everyone of my friends..
Haha anyway, the drugs are talking...
I did that survey thing you did...
How fun
How fun
[A] - AVAILABLE: yes and no.
[B] - BIRTHDAY: march 15
[C] - CONFUSED ABOUT: certain people.. life
[D] - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: water
[E] - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: you're one of them... but many more
[F] - FAVORITE MUSIC TO DANCE TOO: i dont dance.... i jig
[G] - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: both... they're the same damn thing
[H] - HOMETOWN: Mannheim Germany
[I] - INSTRUMENT: All of them.. you already know which ones i play
[J] - JUICE: Cranberry, Grapefruit, Orange,
[K] - KILLED SOMEONE: nope
[L] - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Germany to Switzerland/Belgium or Florida to Texas
[M] - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: cherry milkshakes? thats freakin sick Jake... But my favorite is chocolate or vanilla
[N] - NUMBER OF PETS: four
[O] - ONE WISH: to have her back and to be happy with where i am
[P] - PERSON WHO CALLED YOU LAST: Jon
[Q] - QUIET OR LOUD: quiet
[R] - REASONS TO SMILE: none at the moment.
[S] - SINGLE: appears that way now... but it may not soon... i cross my fingers :)
[T] - TIME YOU WOKE UP: eight
[U] - UNDERSEA: nope
[V] -ARE YOU VIOLENT: never
[W] - WORST HABIT: overthinking
[X] - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: chest, teeth
[Y] - YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL(S): dogs
[Z] - ZODIAC SIGN: Pisces
|
|
|
[26 Jul 2007|11:34pm] |
Life is good for all the things i have
Life is amazing for all the things i must strive to acheive
One morning i wake up and just say "fuck it, there's good in everything"
i'm not even drunk
i'm just very tired
my chest feels heavy
have a shitload of weekends off coming up
maybe i'll see you
maybe i won't
i will be getting massively fucked up.
oh the irony is delicious.
that shit is pretty fucked up involving Troy.
The kid that did that to him is a major word that begins with P and ends in Y.
We'll call him Mr. P
Mr. P comes in all the time. He wonders why he can't get a date.
I could tell him, but i don't like to hurt people's feelings as i was once the type who didnt like to hear the truth.
Ah people are strange.
And yet, i'm even stranger ;)
Work tomorrow 12-1930.
I don't even know why i updated this thing :p
|
|
|
[06 Jul 2007|11:17pm] |
I have a car now. Its still a piece of shit, but its a fucking stick! Hell yea!
I'm gonna take it out for a spin here in a little bit. Hopefully the alcohol i've consumed will be gone by the time i go outside.
I'm getting over myself slowly but surely. I do miss you. Etc.
Blah blah.
You just have to catch me on a day when i've just started working, or i've got the next day off because work is usually what turns me into a pissed off lunatic who doesn't want to see anyone.
I drink a lot now. At home. I don't like the idea of drinking at a bar and therefore being stranded.
I dunno. Come visit me next time you're in the area. I won't mind. In fact i'll probably show more enthusiasm then i have been showing these past few FUCKING FOREVERS. Totally sorry about that. But you know how it is when you deal with morons all day and don't get high or laid afterwards every time ;).
Anyhoo, yea, stop by. Or lets go out sometime. We all deserve second chances ay? Just get some drinks in me beforehand so i end up being nice like i am now ;).
Now i can see why people are alcoholics :)
Talk to you eventually!
Love and shit
-D
|
|
|
[08 Jun 2007|12:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
Your eyes tell the stories of a day you wish you could
Recall the moments that once have
Retract the footsteps that brought us to this favor
I wouldn't ask this of you
Good eye, sniper
Here I'll shoot, you run
The words you scribbled on the walls
With the loss of friends you didn't have
I'll call you when the time is right
Are you in or are you out?
For them all to know the end of us all
Run quick, they're behind us
Didn't think we'd ever make it
This close to safety in one piece
Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe
Save us from sleep and what we are
Good eye, sniper
Now I shoot, you run
The words you scribbled on the walls
With the loss of friends you didn't have
I'll call you when the time is right
Are you in or are you out?
For them all to know the end of us all
Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.
The words you scribbled on the walls
With the loss of friends you didn't have
I'll call you when the time is right
Are you in or are you out?
For them all to know
Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.
Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.
|
|
|
[04 Jun 2007|10:14pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Coheed and Cambria |
] |
Where to start?
First off, i know that if i write here, i write to one person. That one person is the only one who i know will actually read what i have to say.
Yea, i'm angry. I've been angry for a long time. I don't have time for anything anymore. I'm being forced to grow up. I'm one day away from being a certified high school graduate. The first one in my family for Generations. Sometimes i just want to push it back a few days. I often wonder, If i had my head together when i was 15, would i have already had my associates right now?
No time for thinking like that. Its happened, and its happened for a reason. I realize how much life turns around after you grow up. And i wouldn't want this stress all those years ago. I wouldn't have met amazing people, and i wouldn't have learned interesting things.
Lately i'm terrified though. I'm really scared of being alive. Like, literally shitscared. I want to stay in germany forever, but i'm terrified of not giving a shit about my job like i have been these last forevers. I don't want to join the army because i want to live. But then again, i want to because i need to learn discipline. We'll see. Right now i'm questing for an apartment/ i.d. card.
Its do-able but i'm just so scared of becoming who i am right now. I'm pushing everyone away because i don't like myself anymore. I'm angry all the time because i put up with people all day. I'm getting sick of them. And yet, i get angry for pushing them away. I'm so sorry for being who i've been. I've been a jealous bastard. I envy you and everyone else. I want to be in college, i want life to fall into place. Its been so easy vizualizing the better side of things and having them come to life. Lately it just doesnt work. And lately i've been relapsing into my past. This is how i used to be. This is what i always used to worry about. I don't want to become anti social again.
I mean, i got really fucked up at work and that seemed to help. But i don't want to become dependant on drugs to function. It happened to a good friend of mine who is thankfully clean now, and i don't want to do that.
So i'm sorry for pushing you and everyone else away. I'm really sorry. Shit just happens. I feel horrible. I mean, everytime we used to hang out i would just fucking shut down and not say a word. And i never got over that. Why the fuck did i do it? No, it wasn't because i wasn't happy with what you were doing. I really enjoyed being with you, and i was so happy to be with you. I just wasn't happy with myself and i let it show. And for this, i'm sorry. I don't want it to happen again so maybe thats why i'm starting to push people away. It happens with my best friends too. And it keeps happening.
Shit just doesnt seem to get better. Growing up sucks. I don't plan on going to college for a while so i'm jumping right into the workforce.
Its just stressful you know? I just hope everyday isn't another aafes day where i'm treated like shit for giving what little motivation i have left.
So i'm sorry once and i'm sorry a million times. I did not want things to be fucked up as they are. I take out my frustrations on others when they have far worse things to worry about.
I'm selfish and i wish i never did things that way.
I do love you. You are one of my best friends and that never changed.
I miss you a lot every day.
But i don't miss myself
Fuck.
|
|
| p01|\|7#3$$ |
[10 May 2007|11:40pm] |
|
$01f5(k1nfsagh4t3#1v1ngh3r3$0m3t1m3$b3(45$3p30p#3t3nPt0g3tf4k34nP$h0wth31rtr53(0#0r$4th0srr1b#3t1m3$%05tr%asdft0b3n1(34nP0p3n4nP3v3r%th1adfng%a05b3#13v34nP1tj5$tg3t$$h0v3Pb4(k1nt0%df05rsf4(31f33#66h0rr1b#31r4f334##%P04nP1P0nt3v3nkn0wwh%w4$13artb3(45$30fth3$h0w0rh0w1$4w(3rt41np30p#3%05kn0w4##t00w3##h0w1$4wth3mm4P3m3th1snk4b05t(3rt41nth1ng$4nP1t$(45$1ngm3t0#4$h05t5pds0n0th3r$4nPf0rth1$14p0#0g1z31#0v3%05ej2@j38Aln
|
|
| thats right, i said it |
[08 Apr 2007|12:27am] |
1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend? existant
3. Your hair? fluffy?
4. Your mother? cool
5. Your father? cool
6. Your favorite item? instruments
7. Your dream last night? vergessen
8. Your favorite drink? carbonated
9. Your dream car? functional
10. The room you are in? bedroom
11. Your ex? nonexistent
12. Your fear? death
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? stable
14. Who did you hang out with last night? myself
15. What you're not? focused
19. The last thing you did? type
20. What are you wearing? clothes
22. Your favorite book? many
23. The last thing you ate? pizza
24. Your life? alive
25. Your mood? tired
26. Your friends? :-(
27. What are you thinking about right now? 26
28. Your car? fuckyou
29. What are you doing at the moment? This.
30. Your summer? soon
31. Your relationship status? both
32. What is on your tv? nothing
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? inside
35. School? why?
|
|
|
[24 Mar 2007|07:27pm] |
there comes a time in every persons life when shit just fucks up. but shit doesnt have to stay fucked up if the persons mind is right.
My car's transmission is fucking up. I can still drive it, but i very much prefer not to.
If you're still going to the show in the 31st, you may have to meet me there.
And if you want to do something, we may have to meet up downtown or something. I dunno, i'll figure it out.
I'm going to sell that piece of shit to someone else. Hopefully get a couple hundred out of it and save up for a new car. Right now i have about a grand in the bank, but thats for the apartment and shit. I can't legally touch it until august. So i don't want to touch it at all.
So i'm going to start saving more and hopefully grab a car within a month or two.
It will be cool though. Sitting on the train as the world passes by me. Listening to my 5 gigs of music i have so far on the Ipod.
I talked to Stephanie the other day. I miss her so much, and she misses me.
She's coming back to germany. Hopefully soon.
I didnt realize how much i missed her.
But thats the lovey dovey side of me talking.
I don't think i was ever single. Every girl just kind of sickens me now. And i miss her.
Its hard to explain, but i'll leave it at that.
peace
|
|
|
[19 Mar 2007|10:41am] |
[OPENING CREDITS]: Dying in my Own Arms- 100 Demons
[WAKING UP]: Top of the World- The Carpenters
[FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL]: Love me Tender- Elvis (wtf)
[FALLING IN LOVE]: Maxwell's Silver Hammer- The Beatles (again, LOL)
[FIGHT SONG]: Roboturner- Between the Buried and Me (now THATS a fight song)
[BREAKING UP]: Dude Looks Like a Lady- Aerosmith
[PROM]: Have you ever seen the rain?- Creedence Clearwater Revival
[LIFE]: Photograph- Def Leppard
[MENTAL BREAKDOWN]: Hurricane- Bob Dylan
[DRIVING]: Round and Round- Ratt
[FLASHBACK]: Seed to a Tree- Blind Melon
[WEDDING]: All these things i hate revolve around me- Bullet for my Valentine
[BIRTH OF CHILD]: My eyes adored you- Franki Valli
[FINAL BATTLE]: Swim- Bush
[DEATH SCENE]: Bearing Strait- Bearing Strait
[FUNERAL SONG]: Superman- Goldfinger
[END CREDITS]: Living Nightmare- God Forbid
|
|
|
[09 Mar 2007|01:19am] |
|
cancer eater- zao
|
|
| so i'm a slut for these things |
[27 Feb 2007|11:31pm] |
30 "secrets" about yourself...
1. Is that your natural hair color?
YOU GOD DAMMED RIGHT
2. where was your default pic taken?
On myspace, it was out front of my church about a year ago. On here, its on an off day when i felt a little animated.
3. What's your middle name?
Michael
4. Your current relationship status?
Swinger.
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
I don't have a crush.
6. What is your current mood?
My fucking head hurts... i never get headaches :(
7. what color underwear are you wearing?
baby blue ;)
8. What makes you happy?
Music, Friends,
9. Are you musically inclined?
I play a few instruments... decently :p.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would you change?
I WOULD STOP HITLER FROM ASSASSINATING JFK AND THEREFORE STARTING THE COLD WAR!
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
like, a house dog... so i didnt have to do anything
12. Ever had a near death experience?
yes.
13. Something you do a lot?
breathe... its the in thing
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Roboturner- Between the Buried and Me
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
Jake
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
No one.
17. When was the last time you cried?
its been a bit
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
i don't sing.. .i play music
19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Omnipotence is a super power... dick
20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Eyes, subtle things i pick up, personality,
21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
nothing because starbucks is a waste of my not so hard earned money
22. Whats your biggest secret?
i give good head? (call me ;-)
23. What's your favorite color?
Whatever man... seriously i mean... .WHATEVER
24. When was the last time you lied?
i dunno ... recently probably
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
absolutely
26. Do you have braces?
no way
27. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
speaking before thinking, mood swings... otherwise i'm awesome
28. what are you eating or drinking at the moment?
i'm bout to get up on some motherfucking ramen
29. Do you speak any other language?
a slice of german here and there
30. What's your favorite smell?
food, and whatever makes girls smell pretty. :)
|
|
|
[25 Feb 2007|08:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
i had a paragraph written
its gone now
i'll never tell
not in a million years
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
dr_collossus's journal